After Saturday's discovery over at Goodreads that I have no fans, I decided to go all-in and do what all important writers do: Get interviewed.
In truth, I've been sitting on this one for a while. It's the very first interview I ever did, and the interviewer, Peter Johansen, had many great questions for me, covering everything from my existing work, my work-in-progress and my work methods.
I had the pleasure of meeting Peter late one afternoon in August when he came to my house, prompted by an anonymous phone call. We sat down to have a nice chat, after he politely refused my offer of a drink, stating that police officers aren't allowed to drink while on duty.
PJ: Your name is Jakob Drud?
JD: Yes, nice of you to ask. People will have a much easier time finding this interview when--
PJ: This is your home address?
JD: Oh yes, it's where I live and write all my books. You didn't figure I'd broken in here, did you?
PJ: Not here, no. Where were you on July 14th 2012 between 1 pm and 3 pm?
JD: It's funny you should ask. I was doing something very important that day: Writing a series of tweets about my upcoming self-published book. Several hundred, in fact, to be sent to my followers automatically at regular one-hour intervals. The book is called Shameless, and it's--
PJ: Where did you write these tweets?
JD: Well… Here at home, of course.
PJ: Not in a coffee shop?
JD: No, I swear. John Scalzi says serious writers don't go to coffee shops to write. So I wrote Shameless here at my house, at my designated desk, where I'm working on the sequel right now, every day. It's called--
PJ: I have evidence here that your first ten tweets were posted from an IP-address associated with a coffee shop in downtown Aarhus. So you were clearly not at home.
JD: Well, some writers don't consider tweets actual writing, so--
PJ: And isn't it true that you are a platinum five star VIP membership of the 'Words & Latte Workspace For Writers Café'?
JD: Wait, I can explain! It's... You know, Clueless, the sequel to Shameless, actually takes place in a coffee shop. The aliens are there to look for a secret weapon against the dragons invading their home planet, and there are all these fantasy writers working there, so the aliens go there to gather information on their mortal enemies. Really, I wasn't writing there at all, I was just… Research is important, you know.
PJ: I checked your sales rank on Amazon.com. There's no way you can maintain this standard of living through your sales alone. Is there something you're not telling me?
JD: No, no! Real writers devote their time to writing. We don't have day jobs just because we need to eat. Our time is divided between art and sleeping and the occasional glass of whiskey or other non-caffeine beverages. I'd never stoop to writing ad copy just to-- Wait, stop, what are you doing? Get off m--
PJ: Imposing as a real writer is a serious offense. I'm going to have to take you in for further questioning.
JD: Well, nice talking to you too, Peter. I hope you'll take the time to review my author's page on--
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