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When reading this, please pretend to be mediocre rapper...



Alter Ego

At day on the web I'm the nicest guy

I'll be shipping out back-pats and virtual pie

When a silly forum war becomes a blazing pyre

I'll pour out sweet words to quench the raging fire

I'm apolitical, I won't feed the trolls

When you make a lame joke, I'm the man who Rolls

On the Floor, I'll be Laughing My Ass Off, and yeah

I'll 'like' your stupid posts though they're hard to bear

 

But when nighttime comes and polite makes me bored

I'll log my dread handle: Vader_SMURF_Lord

 

If you've got a bad rash and the nastiest itch

VSL will tell you 'try to eat some stuff from a ditch'

You complain about migraines? My cure: Tequila slammers

And then I'll harvest your email and sell it to spammers.

 

Yeah, even the guy who thinks he moderates the board

Just cowers in fear before Vader_SMURF_Lord

 

'Cause if you think of talking back, then shush, don't make a sound

Or Vader_SMURF_Lord will hack your Facebook account

And your number of de-friends will reach three-ninety-seven

When you publicly admit to arranging 9/11

 

So you better quit your surfing and get some writing down

'Cause night falls online and Vader_SMURF_Lord's in town.

 

PS.: Anyone who makes a YouTube video rapping this will have the choice between a signed hardback of my first novel (when it comes out) and full anonymity. 


Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
bogwitch64
Sep. 4th, 2010 06:31 pm (UTC)
Hahahahaa! Great!
jakobdrud
Sep. 5th, 2010 09:35 am (UTC)
Glad you had a laugh :-)
threeoutside
Sep. 4th, 2010 06:48 pm (UTC)
That's hilarious! If I had ANY idea how to make a video I'd give it a try - my being a short round grandma would only make it sillier. But it's quite enjoyably silly now! Well done!
jakobdrud
Sep. 5th, 2010 09:35 am (UTC)
You'd be an instant web-celeb if you did this. Are you sure your grandkids couldn't film it for you? :-) (Please!)
threeoutside
Sep. 5th, 2010 09:57 am (UTC)
LOL - my only grandchild just turned 2. She's smart, but not that smart. 8^D
alaneer
Sep. 4th, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC)
Dude, you're too funny. :)
jakobdrud
Sep. 5th, 2010 09:35 am (UTC)
Glad you had fun :-) As you can probably tell, I had a blast writing it.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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