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A Good Day

Yesterday we went to the hospital with our daughter to have her last... LAST!!! post-cancer checkup. Everything went fine (we'll know about the chest x-rays later) and the doctors are now switching to observing her for any long-term effects of the cancer treatment. They tell us there usually aren't any, but they like to check. This will also give her a chance to ask the oncologists about the treatment, her scars, what cancer is. We talk to her whenever she has questions, but in the future she might have questions we can't answer.

I guess there's no need to say it, but: This is such a relief! In the afternoon I took a short walk, and I could feel things and thoughts let go that have been nagging me for the past five years. Those times are still with me, always will be, but being able to say, 'The doctors aren't looking for recurring cancer,' is going to sweep a lot of dark thoughts away.

I realize I haven't told the story of her cancer treatment on LJ, and for now I'll keep it that way -- though you can ask if you want to know something, there's nothing secret about it. It's just that it's one of my darkest places, the hardest time of my life. Our son was born two days after they released her from hospital after she had a metastatic lump removed from her right lung. Having a baby and a chemo patient to care for at the same time just ran me down in a bad way. 

The important thing is that we did pull through, somehow, and I now have two healthy, happy kids who have good friends and a safe and stable home. I'll be ecstatic if I get anything half as good for Christmas :-)

Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
vaughan_stanger
Dec. 22nd, 2012 12:21 pm (UTC)
That's wonderful news. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your family.
jakobdrud
Dec. 22nd, 2012 12:47 pm (UTC)
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you too, Vaughan. I was sorry to read about emptying your old home out - I hope 2013 brings you something to be really happy about.
asakiyume
Dec. 22nd, 2012 01:05 pm (UTC)
What a tremendous burden to bear. When I think of how unfailingly cheerful and friendly you've always been on LJ, it just increases my sense of awe and respect. I'm so very, very glad for your good news.

How old is she now, if I can ask? (I quite understand if you'd rather not say)

Well--all best wishes for the holidays and the new year, which I hope brings only good things to you and your family.
jakobdrud
Dec. 22nd, 2012 05:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much :-) I don't see any reason not to be friendly, especially on LJ. Here I have time to weigh my words when I have something to contribute, so any immediate irritability has time to wear off before I comment (or I can at least shut up in time ;-) ). In real life I'll be moody and grumpy sometimes, just like anyone else.

My daughter is eight now, which means she was two when she was first diagnosed with cancer, and three when it reappeared. She remembers next to nothing about that time, so no burden for her--which is as it should be.
jakobdrud
Dec. 22nd, 2012 05:00 pm (UTC)
Oh, and a happy new year to you and your family too :-)
asakiyume
Dec. 22nd, 2012 08:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
jakobdrud
Dec. 22nd, 2012 05:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you. It'll be a great holiday, I'm sure. I hope yours is fantastic too.
musingaloud
Dec. 22nd, 2012 01:41 pm (UTC)
I can't imagine anything worse than fearing --every single minutes of every day -- for your baby's life. I'm so glad you've got happy news!
jakobdrud
Dec. 22nd, 2012 05:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you :-) The fear will never leave me completely, but I've learned to cope with it. It gets easier with time, too, but it's one of surprisingly few milestones we've had after her treatment - mostly recovery is the absence of bad news. This final checkup was a pretty solid milestone, though.
alaneer
Dec. 22nd, 2012 03:05 pm (UTC)
What a relief. I'm so happy to hear this great news. I can't imagine anything worse than fearing for one's child.
jakobdrud
Dec. 22nd, 2012 05:10 pm (UTC)
It's a relief indeed, and something solid to hang on to. Her recovery has so far been noticable only as the absence of bad news, but this is a final marker to put an end to the (worst) fear.
threeoutside
Dec. 23rd, 2012 12:45 am (UTC)
Oh, Jakob, I had no idea your family has been going through all that! And so glad she's cleared! What a terrible ordeal. *hugs* to all of you! Enjoy the relief!
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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